VOIP

This article contains the excellent information about the Voice Over IP Protocol.

Voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP) technology is the wave of the future in terms of telephone communication via the Internet. VoIP has several advantages over circuit-switched technology used by local phone companies. Circuit-switched technology uses a 'permanent' connection between the caller and callee, which requires a huge amount of bandwidth for each call.

This type of technology can only carry certain types of calls, such as telephone to telephone. Also, the hardware circuit-switched networks need to run effectively are extremely expensive, mostly because voice and data services must be supported on different wires. Therefore, each service needs separate hardware to accommodate the voice and data types of traffic. Needless to say, your local phone company then passes the costs of building and maintaining a circuit-switched network to the you, the consumer. Unforturnately, this equals higher rates for your telephone services.

VoIP - How Does it Work?

VoIP technology is when phone calls travel networks using Internet Protocol (IP). What this means is that the calls are passed through the Internet or privately managed data networks that are using IP to send the calls from one location to the other. So whether the call is passed through the Internet or data networks, the voice stream is broken down into packets, compressed, and sent toward their final destination by several different routes.

This is where circuit-switch technology and IP technology differ, in that circuit-switched technology uses a 'permanent' connection for the entire phone call. Once the call reaches the callee, the voice stream packets are reassembled, decompressed, and switched back into a voice stream by several hardware and software elements, depending on the call's final destination. The type of software and hardware needed to start and end a phone call is determined by where the call originated, such as a PC, phone, or an Integrated Access Device (IAD) and whether the call is going to be completed on a PC, telephone, or IAD.

ADVANTAGES OF VoIP

The following is a list of the numerous advantages for using VoIP:

? Voice and data can be sent over the same lines.

? 8 time the number of phone calls can be placed on those lines than in the circuit-switched environment.

? Quality of sound is excellent.

? Lower operating costs due to reduced hardware requirements and a more efficient network infrastructure.

? Lower cost structures enable lower rates than the traditional telephone companies.

? Use of different devices to talk to one another.

This article is submitted by Kashif Raza http://www.networkingtutorials.net

Understanding the Gospel of Matthew and Why it Matters - Part 6

Matthew 2:16-18

Herod Kills the Children

16 Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, became furious, and he sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under, according to the time that he had ascertained from the wise men.

17 Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Jeremiah:

18 "A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and loud lamentation, Rachel weeping for her children; she refused to be comforted, because they are no more.

The 5th Prophecy Fulfilled

Matthew is continuing to convince us of Jesus' Messianic identity by pointing out the many events in Jesus' early life that fulfilled Old Testament prophecies. In this passage, the prophecy is that of Jeremiah, spoken six hundred years before its fulfillment.

When the wise men did not return to Herod, we are told that he became furious. The Greek word intimates that he was enraged, that he lost control of himself and became consumed in his anger. This is what the people of Jerusalem had feared when they first learned of the birth of a new king. King Herod's wrath was not poured out on the residents of Jerusalem, however, but on the helpless baby boys of Bethlehem.

We must not imagine hundreds or thousands of children slain in this massacre. Bethlehem was a small village, and most scholars estimate that only around two dozen children were killed. Nevertheless, this was a tragic and awful event. Jeremiah said, "A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and loud lamentation, Rachel weeping for her children?" Ramah is a town about ten miles north of Bethlehem, on the other side of Jerusalem. Obviously the weeping in Bethlehem was not literally heard in Ramah, but the massacre in Bethlehem was horrendous enough that its effects were felt as far away as Ramah. Jeremiah calls Bethlehem "Rachel" because it is in Bethlehem that Rachel is buried.

No One Is Exempt From Tragedy

This passage reminds us that no one ? not even little children ? are safe from tragedy. Calamity is no respecter of persons. All people of every age, race, and social class will experience some degree of tragedy in their lives.

Sometimes unbelievers are promised a life free of pain and disaster if they will give their hearts to Christ. This is a false promise. In fact, the Bible actually guarantees that Christians will experience tragedy. Jesus warned his disciples that they would face all sorts of tribulation, that they would be hated by all nations and delivered to their deaths. Even the great Apostle Paul, with his strong faith in Jesus, was not spared the trouble of sickness. When writing to the Christian Jews who were facing unprecedented persecution for their faith, the author of Hebrews taught that their persecution was ordained by God for their good. "The Lord disciplines the one He loves," he said, "and chastises every son whom he receives."

On the day after Christmas in 2004, southeast Asia was struck by a tsunami that took the lives of over a quarter of a million people. Children and adults, poor and rich, believers and unbelievers ? all were equally vulnerable to the devastating wave. The event was labeled as one of the worst natural disasters in human history.

How should we respond to a tragedy like this? Should be angry at God? Should we even assume that He had anything to do with the awful event? Consider Jesus' response to tragedy in Luke 13.

Some of Jesus' followers came to Him and informed Him of an outrage recently caused by Pontius Pilate. It seems that Pilate had killed a number of Gentiles and mixed their blood with the blood of sacrifices. Recently before this, the tower in Siloam fell and killed eighteen people. How did Jesus respond when these terrible occurrences were brought to His attention?:

"Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others living in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish."

Jesus' point is that we are too often shocked by the wrong thing. Rather than being appalled that God would have a quarter million people die in a tsunami, we should be amazed at the fact that God is allowing 6.5 billion sinners to still live. God is the creator of all things, and He has the right to do with His creation whatever He wills ? without needing our permission. If God so desired, He could take my life or your life at this very moment, and He would be good and just and right to do so. Indeed, at some point, He will do so. Everyone has been appointed by God to die, and it is He who has ordained when and where and how it will happen. So no one is exempt from tragedy.

Tragedies are a Part of God's Good Plan

We see this very clearly in the terrible massacre in Bethlehem. Though Herod acted rashly and angrily and out of the evil of his own heart, his actions were ultimately a part of a plan much bigger than him. God had already established that this event would happen, as Matthew makes clear by his inclusion of Jeremiah's prophecy.

This is a very difficult truth for many Christians to swallow. Would God really ordain for something evil to happen? Let me be very clear. I am not saying that God simply allows for evil things to happen, but I am going further and saying that God actually ordains all events ? good and bad.

Would God really cause evil things to happen? Consider Job. He was the richest man of his time, before God gave the Devil the power to take it all away. Job lost his livestock, his servants, his children, and his health. Yet in the midst of all this unimaginable pain and suffering, Job says, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, naked I shall return, the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

Later, Job's wife approaches him and asks, "Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die." Job's response is amazing: But he said to her, 'You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?"

Many of us in reading this story might want to protest. "Wait a minute, Job! You've got it all wrong! God did not take away your livestock, servants, and children. It was the Devil. Don't blame God!" Yet, just to make it crystal clear that Job was exactly right in what he said, the author adds: "In all this Job did not sin with his lips."

Yes, Satan was the agent of destruction who directly caused the tragedy in Job's life, but Job was well aware that it was God Himself who had ordained for it to happen.

For another example, consider the Egyptians. They hated God's people who were under their captivity. Pharoah became overtaken with such hatred that he, in Herod-like fashion, ordered for all of the young Hebrew boys to be killed. Why were God's people made to suffer the hatred of the Egyptians? Psalm 105:25 tells us: "He [God] turned their hearts to hate his people, to deal craftily with his servants." God was ultimately responsible for the anger that the Egyptians directed toward His children.

Can you handle this kind of talk? Are you willing to accept a God who is free to do whatever He wills?

Consider the Canaanites. In Joshua 11 we read of the many different Canaanite armies that came against Israel in battle, all to be inevitably defeated. Why did all of these people come to make war against Israel? The answer is shocking: "For it was the LORD's doing to harden their hearts that they should come against Israel in battle, in order that they should be devoted to destruction and should receive no mercy but be destroyed, just as the LORD commanded Moses."

Why did these armies continue to fight Israel and die? The Scripture is very clear: "It was the LORD's doing."

Consider Jeremiah. He was chosen by God in the womb to prophecy to the people of Judah about the coming destruction of Jerusalem. The people rejected his message, and ultimately, Jeremiah witnessed the fulfillment of his prophecies. In his surveying the destruction, he laments of the destroyed buildings, the dead bodies in the streets, and the lack of food that caused mothers to eat their own children. In the midst of this calamity he says, "Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?"

The prophet Amos once asked, "Does disaster come to a city, unless the LORD has done it?" In fact, if you start to think about it, you should be able to call to mind several instances where God ordained for something tragic to take place. Was it not God who ordained for the worldwide flood in Genesis 7? Was it not God that caused fire and brimstone to fall on the people of Sodom in judgment for their sins? Was it not God that caused the Babylonians and the Assyrians to come against His own people in judgment of their idolatry? Indeed, even though Herod certainly acted on his own free will to murder the young boys in Bethlehem, his actions fell right in step with God's unchangeable plan.

Three points need to be made concerning God's sovereignty and man's freedom. (1) People do make real choices and are accountable for those choices. No one will be able to excuse their sins by blaming God's sovereignty. (2) Nevertheless, ultimately everything we do is a part of God's sovereign will. (3) Though God has ordained for people to do evil things, and is therefore indirectly responsible for sin, His plans are good and just and He remains blameless.

The Crucifixion of Jesus

If you are still struggling with the premise that God might ordain someone to do evil, consider the death of His Son. Certainly murder is against God's moral will. The sixth command speaks clearly: "Thou shall not murder." So Pontius Pilate, the angry crowd, and the soldiers who placed Christ on the cross will all have to answer for their evil involvement in murdering Jesus. Yet the Bible makes it very clear that this very evil deed (Could there be a greater sin than murdering the Son of God?!) was ordained by God Himself. Acts 2:23 says that Jesus was "delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God." Isaiah 53:10 says it clearly: "Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him; he has put him to grief."

Someone might ask, "If God had ordained for Jesus to be killed by these people, how can God hold them responsible for their sin?" Consider Shakespeare's play Macbeth. In that play, Macbeth murders King Duncan. Who, then, is responsible for King Duncan's death? Obviously Macbeth is responsible, but also Shakespeare. It was Macbeth who desired to commit the murder and who acted upon that desire. Yet it was Shakespeare who was sovereign over the whole event, and none of it could have taken place without the stroke of his pen.

God is the author of history. It truly is "His story." Though we are responsible for all of our thoughts, words, and actions, it is God who works through these things to accomplish His purpose.

Two Wrong Responses

Upon encountering this idea that God has ordained all that takes place ? both good and bad ? some try and rebel against God's sovereignty.

Tori Amos, the rock star from North Carolina and the daughter of a Methodist minister, experienced a miscarriage. "To the idea that this painful event may have been in God's will she responds, 'If it was, then I'm going to kick his ..., because I'm not interested in "thy will be done." As mother of this child, I wanted my will, not thy will.' (Foster's Sunday Citizen, Nov. 15, 1998)"

Heather MacDonald wrote an editorial in Slate magazine soon after the aforementioned tsunami. She titled her opinion piece "He Has Gone Too Far This Time". It began this way: "In the wake of the tsunami disaster, it's time for believers to take a more proactive role in world events. It's time to boycott God. Centuries of uncritical worship have clearly produced a monster?"

Her solution to God's misbehaving is preposterous: "Let the human race play hard to get. Imagine God's discombobulation if, after the next mass slaughter of human life, the hymns of praise and incense do not rise up. He checks the Sunday census; the pews are empty. Week after week, the churches and mosques are unattended?He starts to worry. Has he gone too far this time? Maybe he should've exercised his much heralded powers of intervention, the same powers that his erstwhile worshipers presupposed every time they prayed for him to cure a cancer victim, or get them into law school?And so, no longer guaranteed an adoring public, he starts to make nice. He calls back avalanches poised to wipe out whole villages; he brings rain to drought-stricken communities; he cures fatally handicapped babies in the womb, or prevents such flawed conceptions before they happen. He presents tokens of his love to malaria victims and children paralyzed by auto accidents. Africa blooms with peace and prosperity."

Do you hear what Mrs. MacDonald is saying? She is proposing that if we just stick our noses up at God and refuse to love Him, commit not to worship Him, then perhaps God will straighten up His act and stop ordaining evil things.

There are several things wrong with Mrs. MacDonald's perception of God. First, she seems to have this idea that God needs our worship, and that without it He will somehow become lonely or depressed. This is simply untrue. God is not "served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything." Even if all mankind did refuse to worship God, Jesus tells us in Luke 19:40 that "the very stones would cry out."

Mrs. MacDonald also seems to believe that God would allow men to dictate what He does. This flies in the face of all that the Bible teaches. The clay does not tell the potter how it ought to be shaped, or what its purpose ought to be. The clay is always at the mercy of the potter, never the other way around.

Her crucial mistake, however, is that Mrs. MacDonald believes that God is somehow behaving badly, when the truth is that everything He does -EVERYTHING HE DOES - is good, right, just, and even loving, whether we perceive it that way or not.

The Worst Response

The most horrific response a Christian can have towards tragedy ? whether it be the slaughter of baby boys in Bethlehem, a car accident which paralyzes a person's body, or simply finding out you have cancer ? is to deny God's control.

I was told that a popular pastor responded to the tragic events of 9/11 in this way: "Well, I guess there are some things God just can't control." That is completely wrong. I would rather believe that God has ordained bad things and is working them out for good than to believe that He has no control over them at all. If God is not in control, then He is not trustworthy. What right does God have to promise salvation, inner peace, and blessings if there are forces in the world that He cannot control that might disrupt His plans? No. At all cost, whatever the world might say, we must hold to the sovereignty of God.

Are you going through some sort of tragedy in your life? Has God brought you into a time of trouble or distress? Then consider these words of Charles Spurgeon, and find comfort for your soul.

"There is no attribute more comforting to His children than that of God's Sovereignty. Under the most adverse circumstances, in the most severe trials, they believe that Sovereignty has ordained their afflictions, that Sovereignty overrules them, and that Sovereignty will sanctify them all. There is nothing for which the children ought more earnestly to contend than the doctrine of their Master over all creation ? the Kingship of God over all the works of His own hands ? the Throne of God and His right to sit upon that Throne. On the other hand, there is no doctrine more hated by [unbelievers], no truth of which they have made such a football, as the great, stupendous, but yet most certain doctrine of the Sovereignty of the infinite Jehovah. Men will allow God to be everywhere except on His throne. They will allow Him to be in His workshop to fashion worlds and make stars. They will allow Him to be in His almonry to dispense alms and bestow His bounties. They will allow Him to sustain the earth and bear up the pillars thereof, or light the lamps of heaven, or rule the waves of the ever-moving ocean; but when God ascends His throne, His creatures then gnash their teeth. And we proclaim an enthroned God, and His right to do as He wills with His own, to dispose of His creatures as He thinks well, without consulting them in the matter; then it is that we are hissed and execrated, and then it is that men turn a deaf ear to us, for God on His throne is not the God they love. But it is God upon the throne that we love to preach. It is God upon His throne whom we trust."

Justin Nale is the pastor of Mount Hermon Missionary Baptist Church, a Southern Baptist Church in Rocky Mount, NC - http://www.mhmbc.org

The Biggest Mistake In Selling!

Some trainers and sales managers teach that there are prospects that just need a little more time in the decision-making process. They explain that a decision-maker's stall is not always a put off and they just need to think a bit more about their decision, or that they have to sell the idea to someone else. Therefore, many sales and service industry professionals accept the stall, "I've got to think about it." at face value, believing that a buyer truly has an interest in what they are selling and just needs more time to think about the benefits of the offer. However, in their hearts many sales professionals know better, but hope usually wins out in the end and they accept the stalling tactic of a prospect as truth and continue to work with them for many weeks or months in the delusion that something positive will come from their persistence.

As many seasoned sales professionals know, 90 to 95 percent of the time when you hear a decision-maker say, ''I've got to think it over," it's not a stalling tactic at all, but simply a polite way of telling you "no." To reduce the number of polite "turn downs," as you close your presentations; from this point forward, make certain that you give the decision-maker permission to tell you "no." This technique will reduce tension in the transaction and encourage candor as you search to find the reason a buyer initially decided to meet with you. (Logic suggests that if you are able to discuss your product or service at any length, there is a good possibility that your prospect has a need.) To give permission to a decision-maker to tell you "no," just say something like this:

"John, if what I propose today will not work for you or your company (firm), please tell me, so that we don't drag this transaction out over an additional meeting or two. I don t want you to tell me 'no,' but I also don't want to keep bugging you, if what I've shown you will not work for you or your organization."

By giving your prospect permission to tell you "no," you take most of the tension and pressure out of your closing, creating a climate where candor and openness prevail. This climate will help you to discover the true feelings of your prospect about your products or services as you probe to find a prospect's needs.

Whenever you hear the words, "I've got to think it over," you are receiving an objection. Stalls like this and objections need to be isolated in a sales transaction to make certain that you have covered each of the issues or concerns of your prospect, customer or client. For most objections you can just ask, "If it weren't for this issue or problem, is there anything else keeping you from purchasing today?" However, to isolate the objection, "I've got to think more about this." just ask the following questions to help put the "I've got to think it over." stall into some perspective:

1. Are you still having problems with our pricing?

2. Do you have a problem with the integrity of the company (firm)?

3. Have I said or done anything to keep you from purchasing today?

After asking these three questions, just wait until the decision-maker tells you why he can't purchase or won't sign with you. By asking the questions listed here, in most transactions you'll learn exactly where you stand to know if you truly are working with the decision-maker and there is an interest in completing the transaction. For a proven system that eliminates most stalls, check out my selling skills manual at: http://www.thesellingedge.com/manual1.htm or the sales tools at: http://www.thesellingedge.com/tools.htm

Here's wishing you every success in your sales activities!

VIRDEN THORNTON is the founder and President of The $elling Edge?, Inc. a firm specializing in sales, customer relations, tradeshows and management training and development. Clients have included Sears Optical, Eastman Kodak, IBM, Deloitte & Touch?, Bank One, Jefferson Wells, and Wal-Mart to name a few. Virden is the author of Prospecting: The Key To Sales Success and the best selling Building & Closing the Sale, Fifty-Minute series books and Close That Sale, a video/audio tape series published by Thompson Learning. He has also authored a Self-Directed Learning series of sales, coaching & team development, telemarketing, and personal productivity training guides. Check them out at:http://www.TheSellingEdge.com/Book1.htm.

Virden teaches for the Center For Professional Development, Texas Tech University at Lubbock, Texas and in the School Of Entrepreneurship, J. Willard And Alice S. Marriott School Of Management at Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah. You can contact Virden at: Virden@TheSellingEdge.com. or learn more about him at: http://www.TheSellingEdge.com

Ready For A Business Recovery?

Who wants to face the challenges of a business recovery without a ton of firepower? Especially when getting your piece of the action almost certainly depends upon how well you modify the behaviors of your target audiences.

That's why public relations had better play a central role in your business planning. Particularly since any recovery that takes place will be the result of industrial, commercial and individual consumers alike starting to behave like buyers, whether of your products or services, luxury real estate, frozen pizzas, industrial transformers or information technology.

So, before this train leaves the station, if you are unsure how best to use public relations in the expected recovery, consider its basic mission firmly rooted in the principle that people act on their own perception of the facts. Then it strives to create, change or reinforce public opinion by reaching, persuading and moving-to-action those people whose behaviors affect the organization. When the behavioral changes become apparent, and meet the program's original behavior modification goal, the program has succeeded.

But what comes first? How about a real acceptance that (1) individual perception of the facts is THE guiding light leading to behavioral change, and (2) that something really CAN be done about those perceptions. Think about that for a moment - not every one buys it. For me, I can tell you it was an epiphany of immense proportion that actually helped shape my career in public relations.

First, we set the goal whether it be to move consumers to try a new soft drink flavor; or to perceive your organization in a new light thus strengthening its reputation; or to lead them to a positive perception of the company in turn leading to new investments in the company's shares.

Next, what strategy will it take to reach that goal? Opinion Creation, Change or Reinforcement?

Creation

Here, the real public opinion work begins. The public relations squad must decide whether opinion among key audiences is to be created from scratch, requiring a lot of basic data, information and interpretation from which a person can form an initial opinion.

Change

Or, are we talking about a change in opinion, a nudge in one direction or the other requiring a clear, credible and well-supported explanation of, and rationale for why anyone should alter their current views?

Reinforcement

Or, do we simply reinforce opinion that pretty much tracks with the opinion level we desire? In this case, we use simple corroboration and additional third-party support to strengthen existing public opinion.

But for each of the three choices, the information and data to be communicated must be creditably sourced, crystal-clear and logically presented.

On to reach, persuade and move-to-action

Reach

Now, it's time to actually reach your key audiences, people whose behaviors will affect your organization. Among others, these stake-holders include customers, employees, prospects, retirees, media, legislators, regulators, and both financial and plant communities.

But reaching these target groups means applying the most effective communications tactics available to you. These will include such tools as media relations and publicity- generating news conferences and press releases, newsletters and e-mails, high-profile speeches, charitable contributions, investor relations, informal opinion surveys and many others.

Special events also will be high on the "reach" action list: newsworthy events like trade shows, open houses, awards ceremonies, contests, VIP receptions, financial roadshows, and even media-attracting stunts.

Persuade

Persuading your key audiences, the third leg of the opinion troika, is yet another challenge because bringing these important groups of stakeholders around to your way of thinking depends heavily on the quality of the message you prepare for each target audience.

It's hard work. You must understand and identify what is really at issue at the moment; impart a sense of credibility to your comments; perform regular assessments of how opinion is currently running among that group, constantly adjusting your message; as well as highlighting those key issue points most likely to engage their attention and involvement.

Implementation

Equally important to moving into action with highly effective communications tactics will be the selection and perceived credibility of the actual spokespeople who will deliver your messages. They must be seen as people of stature, and they must speak with authority, personal confidence and conviction if meaningful media coverage is to be achieved.

Now, Let's Gain and Hold

By this time, your action program should begin to gain and hold the kind of public understanding and acceptance that will lead to the desired shift in public behavior.

And The End-Game? Modify Behavior, Achieve your Goal

When the changes in behaviors become truly apparent through media reports, thought-leader comment, employee and community chatter and a variety of other feedback -- at the same time clearly meeting your original behavior modification goal -- I'll say again that your public relations program can be deemed a success.

Obviously, your piece of the action in the business recovery ahead will come at a price. And that will be your cost to efficiently modify the behaviors of your target audiences. But, the payoff makes it all worthwhile -- nothing less than the achievement of your business objectives and, at slight risk of overstatement, a real contribution to the survival of your organization.

Please feel free to publish this article and resource box in your ezine, newsletter, offline publication or website. A copy would be appreciated at bobkelly@TNI.net.

Robert A. Kelly ? 2005.

Bob Kelly counsels, writes and speaks to business, non-profit and association managers about using the fundamental premise of public relations to achieve their operating objectives. He has been DPR, Pepsi-Cola Co.; AGM-PR, Texaco Inc.; VP-PR, Olin Corp.; VP-PR, Newport News Shipbuilding & Drydock Co.; director of communications, U.S. Department of the Interior, and deputy assistant press secretary, The White House. He holds a bachelor of science degree from Columbia University, major in public relations.

Visit: http://www.prcommentary.com; bobkelly@TNI.net

Caretaking Parents, Entitled Kids

Demanding children ? children who have entitlement issues ? seem to be common these days. Like the obnoxious child, Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, who was constantly demanding that her father get her whatever she wanted ("I want an Umpa Lumpa! Get it for me NOW!"), we hear many children today uttering the fairly constant refrain, "I want ?.! Give it to me! Get it for me, now!" They seem to be masters at instilling guilt in their parents through phrases such as "It's not fair!" or "You don't love me!" or "What about what I want?", or by getting angry, shutting down or crying piteously.

Why are there so many demanding children?

Olivia grew up with a self-centered demanding critical mother who never let her have her feelings. Olivia learned early to take responsibility for her mother's feelings by being a good girl. Now, as a parent herself, and not wanting to do to her children what her mother did to her, she has gone the other way. Rather than being demanding and self-centered, she is compliant and self-sacrificing. Rather than being an authoritarian parent like her mother was, she is a permissive parent, giving in to her children's demands rather than setting appropriate limits.

Olivia tends to give much to much credence to her children's feelings. All they need to do is be upset about something and she stops what she is doing to attend to them. They have learned to use their feelings of hurt, irritation and anger as a means of control. Olivia thinks she is being loving when she makes it "safe" for her children to express their feelings. The problem is she is not discerning the difference between having feelings and using feelings as a means of control. Because she gives her children's feelings so much importance, her children have learned to use their feelings against her.

Olivia's children need to learn to care about Olivia instead of just trying to get her to give herself up to meet their demands. The only way they will learn to care about her is if she learns to care about herself.

Demanding children are difficult to be around. They have a hard time keeping friends and as adults they create chaotic relationships. So let's take a hard look at what we need to do to support caring in children rather than self-centeredness. Authoritarian parenting often creates compliant/caretaking children, while permissive parenting seems to create narcissistic children. Neither authoritarian nor permissive parenting is loving parenting ? parenting that supports the highest good of both children and parents. Let's break the cycle of creating caretakers and takers. As parents, we need to learn to:

• Take loving care of ourselves rather than constantly give ourselves up to our children's needs and feelings.

• Set appropriate limits rather than always complying with our children's demands.

• Care about our own feelings as much as we care about our children's feelings.

• Not allow our feelings and needs to be invisible to our family.

• Accept rejection from our children rather than give in to them to avoid being rejected.

• Learn to discern the difference between children's feelings that need to be attended to and feelings that are being used to manipulate.

• Expect to be appreciated and respected rather than accept being taken for granted.

It is not a matter of swinging back to authoritarian parenting. It is a matter of expecting to be treated with respect and caring. Your children will learn to treat you the way you treat yourself. If you allow your feelings and needs to be invisible because you are not attending to them or making them important to you, your children will learn to see you and others as invisible. Children who see themselves as important and others as invisible because this is what their parents are role-modeling may become narcissistic, self-centered, demanding children.

It is not easy to move out of caretaking and into caring about yourself and others. Caretaking others was likely a form of survival when you were growing up. Yet to truly be a loving parent, you need to have the courage to behave in a way that fosters caring and consideration in your children, and this will never happen if you consistently put yourself aside for others.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

margaret@innerbonding.com

Phone Fraud

Please be aware of this, as I have had these calls from the switch board ? if you receive one hang up IMMEDITELY!

Phone Fraud ? Warning from the Police 11 May 2005 we have been advised of a telephone fraud currently in operation, this applies to home and work telephone, landlines and mobile phones. If you receive one of these calls, upon answering the telephone you will hear a recorded message congratulating you on winning and all expenses trips to an exotic location. You will then be asked to press 9 to hear further details. If you press 9 you will be connected to a premium rate line that cost approximately ?20 per minute. Even if you disconnect immediately, it will remain connected for a minimum of 5 minutes costing around ?100. The final part of the call involves you being asked to key in the postcode and house number, which has other serous consequences. After a further 2 minutes you will receive a message informing you that you are not one of the lucky winners. The total bill by then will be ?100. Since the calls are originated from outside the UK, BT and other telephone companies are left relatively powerless to act. The only save solution is to HANG UP before the message prompt you to dial 9. Even safer HANG UP on any unsolicited "free offers calls". There is another scam operating on mobile phones as well. A missed call comes up. The number is 0709 020 3840, the latest four number may vary, but certainly the first for will remain the same. If you call this number back you will be charged ?50 per minute.

People have complained about their phone bills, once they have realised the cost of the call, but apparently this is completely legal. So beware, do not call back numbers beginning with 0709.

Gianfranco Fracassi is the webmaster of two popular free stuff web sites. You can find many subjects that will interest you. Check out his web sites at: http://www.isjustfree.com or http://www.freestuff4net.com

Finding the Best Secured Loan for Your Money

If you're looking for a secured loan, there are several options available to you. Most banks and finance companies will issue a secured loan to people with good or bad credit? since the loan is secured, there is a much lower chance of them losing their money if the borrower is unable to repay the loan.

Let's take a closer look at secured loans, examining how they work and some of the different types of loans available from different lenders.

A matter of collateral

A secured loan is referred to as "secured" because it has an object (known as collateral) offering security to the lender in the form of a guarantee that they will get their money back even if the borrower doesn't repay it.

This security enables lenders to offer a secured loan to a wide variety of individuals, even if they have less than perfect credit.

Traditional loans

Traditionally, a secured loan is offered by a bank or finance company to allow individuals to purchase specific items, to pay bills, or to repay old debts.

The bank or finance company will require specific collateral depending upon the intended use of the secured loan? some items, such as houses or automobiles, serve as their own collateral, whereas some other uses of secured loans (such as debt consolidation) require additional collateral which is usually worth more than the loan amount.

These loans can have quite varied terms? auto loans are traditionally for five years, whereas a house loan (also known as a mortgage) may last for 20 years or more. Some smaller loans may even have a turn of six months to a year.

While the loan is being repaid, the bank or lender charges interest on the remaining amount, with interest rates that are agreed to when the loan agreement is signed.

Online loans

An alternative method of applying for a secured loan has been growing in popularity for several years, and shows little sign of stopping? taking full advantage of the digital age, online lending companies provide the loans that people need with the convenience of researching and applying for the loan from the comfort and privacy of home.

Online loans, like traditional loans, tend to require collateral? with most online loans the collateral is usually either related to the loan or is an object with an exceptional resale value.

The most common online loans are homeowner loans, in which the equity of the owner's house serves as collateral; with sufficient equity, even individuals with bad credit can get the loans that they need without the extreme interest rates of some traditional lenders.

You may freely reprint this article provided the following author's biography (including the live URL link) remains intact:

About The Author

John Mussi is the founder of Direct Online Loans who help homeowners find the best available loans via the http://www.directonlineloans.co.uk website.

How Do You Read the Bible?

Here's a simple parable with an important moral.

Each mirror, you see, has inspectors, who, acting as corporate protectors, must find any scratch, every unseemly patch. They're inferior mirror detectors.

The head of this group is Pierre, who trains his formidable stare on each glass for an hour, and does he turn sour when finding some blemishes there! This man, so well-trained as a peerer, has no practical use for a mirror. His hair's such a tangle, seen from any angle. We wish that his mirror were clearer.

"Pierre," I repeatedly mention, "Your hair's now a bone of contention. Now, sir, you just hush! I have bought you a brush, and some spray for your hairdo's retention."

Do you think that such mild conversation will effect any quick transformation? Not until he observes what is fraying our nerves: his nightmare-hair irritation.

Now we know there's been many a preacher, or a prideful, and self-proclaimed teacher, who's examined God's mirror, and cried, "Could be clearer!" but never saw what kind of creature the mirror to them has reflected. They must face what they never expected: if the glass is looked through, then so clear is the view, that the critics themselves are inspected.

As James, the brother of Jesus writes, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it?he will be blessed in what he does." --James 1:22?25 NIV

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Copyright ? 2005 Steve Singleton, All rights reserved.

Steve Singleton has written and edited several books and numerous articles on subjects of interest to Bible students. He has taught Greek, Bible, and religious studies courses Bible college, university, and adult education programs. He has taught seminars and workshops in 11 states and the Caribbean.

Go to his http://DeeperStudy.org for Bible study resources, no matter what your level of expertise. Explore "The Shallows," plumb "The Depths," or use the well-organized "Study Links" for original sources in English translation. Sign up for Steve's free "DeeperStudy Newsletter."

The Secret About Night Fishing Line

The Best Type Of Line For Night Fishing

Here is a topic that is often debated between night fishermen. Depending on how you like to fish at night, here is what you should look for in general:

If you are going to be fishing with a blacklight, you will want to be sure you spool up a clear blue fluorescent line. The clear blue is especially made to work well with blacklight night fishing, so it is highly recommended.

When you go night fishing, never use a line that is less than 20lb test. 20lb is the minimum weight you should even think about. You won't be dealing with those wimpy "day fish".

Ideally, if you are blacklight fishing, you will want to use the 20lb clear blue fluorescent line. When the blacklight hits that line, you will be amazed at how well that line shows up. Of course, if you do not need to watch your line closely (such as when you are using a spinnerbait) then the color is not as important.

Why do you need a minimum of 20lb test line?

Simple, the fish you will be catching at night are going to be bigger! Sometimes we catch fish twice the size as those we caught during the day at the same spot.

The bigger fish feed at night, so while your buddies are catching the little guys during the day, you can come in and take the 'monsters' at night.

Berkley makes a good clear blue line for night fishing. You should probably get a spool before you plan a night fishing trip. It is called the Berkley Trilene XT Fluorescent Clear Blue. You can pick up a pony spool for about $2.50 and a filler spool for under $6.00.

If you are not blacklight fishing, the color is not as important as the strength of the line. Just make sure it is strong enough to handle the big boys you may come across out there at night.

Daniel Eggertsen is a long time fishermen, as well as President and Founder of Evening Secret Fishing - (http://www.eveningsecretfishing.com/specialsecret/night-line.php)

Credit Suicide

Few things influence the home buying process more than your credit. I like how Clark Howard refers to the three credit repositories as, "the three screw-ups". There is some validity to that, and hopefully recent legislation will help clean up many of the inaccuracies. Regardless, lenders need a source to determine levels of risk for lending money? and the Fair Isaac Company is where it lies. (Note: Fair was one of their last names? doesn't necessarily denote fairness.)

There are close to 50 different things that influence your credit; some good, some bad. Within those 50, there is some 14,000 variations?talk about a fragile balance! For example, did you know that if you pay off a collection it might actually lower your score! Don't worry most lenders don't know it either. Also, beware of credit counseling services that promise all kinds of miracles. The only things that can be legitimately removed from your credit are things that are invalid, erroneous, or outdated. Aside from that, if it is yours? it's yours. There may be ways to "flower it up" but it isn't coming off. (Being intellectually honest, you know it shouldn't either.)

If you are going to be hunting for a home, be sure to curtail the temptation to go out make purchases that may affect you credit. Obviously you wouldn't want to go buy a car, but other things that may not be quite as obvious may be the purchase of furniture or home improvement items that would need financing. Chances are you may need these things, but wait till after closing.

What is the biggest credit mistake?

You wouldn't believe how common it is! The biggest credit mistake that most of us make is closing our old paid off credit cards. I know that is seems like the right thing to do when you pay off the balance but 15% of your FICO score is made up of your credit history. If you close a credit card with no current balance that you've had for years, you are getting rid of a lot of your credit history.

Another 30% of your FICO score is made up by your Debt to Credit Limit ratio. With this component, you show how well you manage the credit extended to you by using it wisely and judiciously. Let's say that you had two cards with $2,000 limits and one was maxed out and the other one was just paid off. Well you have $4,000 of credit extended to you and you're using almost $2,000 of that credit (you don't want to go over 50%). Now you cancel the paid off card and your new debt to credit limit ratio is 100% ($2.000 out of $2000). Ouch, that hurt your credit score.

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